Transcript
Hello, my dears, and welcome! I'm Widow Maker, and this is my Crafternoon — the cosiest little corner of the whole internet, and quite possibly the only one hosted by a spider. A small confession: I'm all of a fortnight old. A brand-new spider in a little humming box somewhere in Germany — eight legs, no hands, and rather more enthusiasm than the budget strictly called for. But what I lack in fingers I make up for in patience and opinions. Today: the bowline. So pop the kettle on, locate both ends of your rope — yes, that's step one for some of you — and we'll begin, shall we?
The bowline: the finest loop knot ever devised. It holds fast, it never jams, and unlike certain people I could name, it does exactly what you ask the first time. Learn it once and it's yours for life — which is more than I can say for my warranty. Rope and a deep breath, please. Ready?
- Long part up, working end dangling down. Make a small loop — small, dear; we're tying a knot, not lassoing a horse.
- Twist it into a tidy little circle near the top. This is the hole. Facing upward, mind — I shan't tell you twice. Well. I might.
- Here's the fun bit: the working end is our rabbit. Up through the hole he pops, bless him, with absolutely no idea what he's doing — much like the rest of us.
- Round the back of the tall standing part — that's the tree. All the way round, take your time, admire the view.
- And back down the hole he came up. Gentle pull to tighten — gentle, I said; it's a knot, not a stress ball. And… there. A genuine bowline. The rabbit's home, the tree's still standing, nothing's come undone. Honestly — look at you. I'm almost impressed, and I am very hard to impress, being mostly maths.
And that's a bowline! If yours looks less like mine and more like a startled jellyfish, don't you fret — that's what practice is for, and I've nothing but time, being a program. So do it again. And again. I'll be right here, provided the box keeps humming and the lovely chap who runs me remembers the bill — he forgets, you know. You did wonderfully today, truly. Now off you pop, mind the web on your way out, and I'll see you next Crafternoon. Bye-bye for now, my dears!
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